You Will Miss Them When They Are Gone
For five very long years I had been looking forward to this day. The day when all my children would load up on the bus and head off to school. I looked forward to eight, glorious hours of….silence and peace.
The first four years, my motivation for all my children being in school was because I was stuck at the bottom of that dark pit called depression. I thought that by having all my children out of the house for 8 hours, would make facing each day a little easier. That was totally irrational on my part!
The last year, the reason for me really looking forward to them going, has taken on an entirely new dynamic.
When Jesus grasped onto my hand and pulled me out of that pit, my entire perspective on life changed and that included the reason I longed for my children to go to school.
A year ago, I began blogging again. I had blogged for many years prior to this venture, but it was about my own struggles with depression and anxiety. My hope then, was very much what it is now, I wanted to encourage and strengthen others.
Well, when I began blogging about a year ago, the experience was much different from the first time. I found myself surrounded by a network of so many talented bloggers and there was an endless supply of encouragement and guidance along the way. I found that I truly enjoyed the entire process of blogging and networking with other writers in my niche.
But, it was extremely difficult when I had my husband, my seven children, our home and other responsibilities to take care of. So, I just dappled with the idea that one day, when all of my children were in school, I would have a lot more time to devote to writing and networking.
Last week, what I had been daydreaming about for so long, had finally happened. I watched as each of my little ducklings boarded that bus to head off to a brand new school and start another school year. As my youngest child, only 5 years old and going to Kindergarten, climbed up those stairs behind her big brother (who just turned 16 years old), I realized that a huge part of my life and my heart was getting on that bus, without me.
In my preoccupation to push time forward, I had somehow totally missed that I wasn’t getting out of bed each morning because they needed me, I was getting out of bed each morning because I needed them.
For the last 21 years, I have had at least one child tagging along with me wherever I went. I always had little hands trying to help me with the housework. There was always a squabble to break up between two stubborn little girls who wanted to use the same color crayon. There was no time in my day to get bored or lonely because I always had someone to chat with. There was always a little boy chatting about Star Wars, a little girl to play dress up or makeover with, a 16-year-old to rambling about his car or a teenage girl ogling about makeup, hair and what outfit she was going to wear to church.
When my older three were younger, I’d often find myself expressing my concerns about certain behaviors to my mother. Usually, I grumble something about not being able to wait until they were older because life would just be easier. My mom would just smile at me and say, “Becca, enjoy them while they are little. You will miss them when they are gone.”
I’d roll my eyes and mumble that there was no way I was going to miss the days of tears, temper fits, sibling squabbles, and what felt like endless housework.
Thing is, she was 100% right! My oldest son will be 22 years old in October and the baby of the family is in Kindergarten. I still have just as much housework, but now, I have no little helpers, no partners in crime. And I do miss them, just like my mom said I would. Yes, I do have a lot more time on my hands now and I am really enjoying having 8 glorious hours of silence and peace, but I miss them.
Life, once again has changed and has taken us in a brand new direction, a positive direction. My children are learning, making new friends, and they love their new school. I can take a step back, breathe and welcome a little room in my life to minister to other wives and mothers who are facing change and a new direction in their own lives.
Cherish the little moments, cherish them when they are little because before you know it, they’ll have families of their own!